Time to Come Clean


……about my weight

It’s been almost 2 years since I started this blog and it quickly became a platform for documenting my weight loss. I never divulged my beginning weight and only talked about the number of pounds that came off. I just couldn’t bring myself to say that number. Somehow it brought me shame and I was afraid that people who knew me would judge me differently if they knew exactly how much I weighed. It didn’t help that all the doctors that I’ve ever been to have always said that I don’t look as heavy as I am. I haven’t even told my husband how much I weigh.

I lost a total of 32 pounds and managed to maintain that loss for about a year. I lost a few more pounds here and there but I always put them back on. Last year I told people that I had lost 30 pounds because the weight started to creep back on. I gained a few pounds and I lost a few but slowly I started not losing all the pounds I gained back. Last summer I was up six pounds, down four, back up four when I went on holiday and then back down four before I went back to work.

Stress has always been killer for me when it comes to weight gain. Also I have some psychological barrier that seems to keep me from getting below a certain weight. In the last 20 years every time I get close to that goal weight my weight loss stops. Periodically, in the last year I’ve talked about getting serious and getting back on track. I never want to gain back those 32 pounds I worked so hard at losing but my drive is in low gear right now and try as I might it just isn’t enough.

Last week when I put myself on the scale (which I avoided since Christmas) I was up eight pounds from September. I watched my food intake all week and when I put myself on the scale again I was up three more pounds. Yikes! I wanted to lose most of that weight before I went to see my sister in Calgary next week. Part of my problem is my lack of movement. I can’t believe how much I let this winter keep me on the couch ( in front of this computer).

My middle sister sent me an interesting article this morning on why we gain weight that has nothing to do with what we put in our bodies. I am guilty on all counts. Lack of sleep and having light from computers and electronic devises in front of us before we go to bed actually causes weight gain. I guess she noticed my weight gain and was too polite to mention it to me. Come to think of it no one has actually said anything to me about my weight gain, even when I’ve complained about my coat being too tight and putting on weight over a weekend. Here is the link from the Epoch Times for the article Two Common Weight Loss Mistakes.

As much as I love teaching, it is a stressful job. In the past, September was the month where my weight gain would start. I would lose ten pounds or more in the summer and then when school started it would all come back. Two years ago that didn’t happen but my weight loss stopped. Part of my problem was that I was happy with how I looked and felt. I loved all the compliments.

I can’t let this continue. So I’m going to start with the two things that the article talked about: sleep and light.

Before my 30 pound weight loss

Before my 30 pound weight loss

Down 32 pounds.

Down 32 pounds.

My goal is to stop working on the computer and watching TV by 10:00 every night. Maybe I’ll read more and organize my clothes, lunch and school bags from 10:00 to 11:00 so I’m not in such a rush in the morning. Hopefully that way I can be in bed by 11:00 and get a solid 7 1/2 hours sleep instead of the five to six that I get now.

Today, still down 20 pounds  but up 12.

Today, still down 20 pounds but up 12.

In the past I weighed myself everyday. I know that some people believe you should only weigh yourself once a week or even less frequently but I find that I put off what I need to do if I don’t check my weight more often. Look what happened when I didn’t weigh myself in almost three months.

I’m still not ready to reveal my actual weight. If only strangers read this blog I wouldn’t care but my family, friends, colleagues and even some of my students read my posts. Some day, but not today.

The most difficult part will be turning off this computer and not constantly checking my emails and stats. I have to admit I’ve become a bit of an addict. I’ll also start using this blog as a platform to record my progress with my weight loss journey, again. It helped last time and It kept me motivated to succeed. If you don’t hear from me on this front please feel free to ask how I’m doing.

I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of days so I’ll start tomorrow and then see how regular sleep and cutting back on the light before bedtime affects my weight. Of course I’ll watch what I eat and for now I’ll aim to get out and walk at least four times a week. I’m not sure how spending five days with my sisters will affect my weight but I won’t use that as an excuse. I’ll enjoy myself but I don’t have to be excessive with food or drink. Maybe I should aim to maintain rather than lose for those five days.

The three sisters taken 6 weeks ago.

The three sisters taken 6 weeks ago.

10 thoughts on “Time to Come Clean

  1. I can really relate to this (although I’d have to convert pounds to kilograms before I know really what you are talking about). I’m also in a constant battle with my weight, and some years ago I lost about 10kg and was at my goal weight. Gradually it has all crept back on – and more! I now need to lose about 15-20kg -which I feel is a LOT. Nothing fits me, and I’m miserable about my weight. I eat carefully and I exercise, and nothing makes a difference – a few kgs come off, then go back on again. My doctor says it is to do with age and hormones. So as I watch my scales every day (yes), I will also be keen to hear how you are doing too, Carol. I’ll read this article too (guilty of late-night checking of blog and email and Facebook!). Thanks for sharing.

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    • Thanks for reading my entire post. So often I find people just check the like button and haven’t even bothered to come over to the site. I know this is happening because I’m aware of people’s locations in the world and their countries don’t show up on my world map stats. I’ll do my best to keep a record of my progress and give support when I can. If following my journey helps you, it will help me stay on my road to success. Your doctor is right about age and hormones but losing weight is not impossible, just more difficult than it was in our 20s. Thanks again. Carol

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  2. Good luck and I’m looking forward to reading more about your progress. The weight loss is the important part moreso than posting your actual weight and it makes sense why you don’t want to share that info.

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  3. Well I am a stranger, but I love your blog and read it every now and then. I can understand why you don’t want to reveal the weight, and that is fine. I believe that just documenting it for yourself will be helpful enough.

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    • Thanks for your kind words. I’m glad that you come over to the blog now and then. I’m in Calgary right now with my sisters and my goal is to maintain my weight and try not to gain while I’m here.

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  4. Congratulations … to your weight lost … I’m a big girl too and I know how difficult it truly is to lose weight – you just look fabulous to me – and I can see that you’re one of those people that light up the room when enter. I lost a lot of weight during my cancer journey, have put on some kilos back on – but I need to lose a lot more … but to be honest I don’t care anymore.

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    • Thanks for sharing Viveka. It’s funny how we imagine people from their writing. I’ve never thought of you as a ‘big girl’. I think of you as vivacious, sensual, funny, kind, creative, and caring. I only care about my weight when it makes me feel unwell and it affects how I see myself. I want to be around for awhile longer and I want to enjoy the time I have on this Earth. I look at people at work who are younger than me, unhealthy and unable to do the simplest tasks. I want to have the energy to do my job well and stay positive.

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      • Carol, the thing is that we got so much physical training into our bodies through
        our school days. There was no school bus, there were no parents that drove us in cars – it was only to go on bike – 4 times per day … no school lunch, had to bike home for it … and in the winter we had to walk in the deep snow – and that gave us strong bodies .. something I’m so happy for today.
        I think that it’s lack of basic physical – too well taken care of today .. that it’s one of the reasons that so young people get unhealthy and back problems when they are 20.
        I can’t say that I’m totally pleased with my weight, but it’s nothing that is a major problem for me neither. My life was one long diet … until when I packed my stuff up for moving to UK and notice that I was very normal in size for all the years I saw myself as fat. I start crying for all the lost years and then I realized what life really is about – loving myself, large or petite.

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  5. It’s an unfair world. Some people can eat what they like and never put on a pound, and other only have to look at a biscuit for the weight to pile on. Piling on pounds in winter is inevitable when sitting in front of the computer appeals more than dragging yourself out into the cold, though I suspect your body might have to work more in the winter to keep warm so there might be a bit of compensation there. There’s also winter food — warming stews with potatoes and the odd rhubarb crumble. Here, there’s now a big campaign against sugar, especially in chocolates, sweets and drinks.

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