That Feeling of Dread has Passed

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….. my reports are finally done!

I can’t explain how I feel except that it’s a lot better than how I felt on Tuesday.

After the race on Sunday I really wasn’t myself. I felt weird. Even my family noticed I was out of sorts. The comments didn’t help, even though I know they were out of concern for my well being. Saying things like ‘running at my age probably wasn’t a good idea’ or ‘pushing myself was bad for my health’ made me feel insecure and somewhat foolish.

Tuesday was probably my lowest point. I wanted to find a doctor to check me out. I literally had this feeling of doom come over me. I cried at the drop of a pin and I couldn’t think straight. Finishing my report cards seemed like an impossible task even though I’ve been doing them for over 30 years.

My principal and good friend, M, calmed my fears and told me that after everything I’ve experienced this past year I was probably experiencing anxiety attacks or a form of PTS. Word spread that I was having a difficult time and a number of my colleagues and friends started to take some of the stresses off my back by offering to help me with my report cards, go to a meeting for me and just be there for me. I started to feel better immediately.

I also have a few leads on finding a family doctor. I really feel the need to get the go ahead from a physician to continue with my running. I’ll keep on walking and now that the ‘hot’ weather is here I’ll start swimming again as well.

On Tuesday night I went to L’s house and we sat at the computer for 4 hours and finished most of learning skills comments for my students. Today I finished the remaining few comments after school.

That feeling of dread really has passed and I never want to feel it again. 

2 thoughts on “That Feeling of Dread has Passed”

  1. Your principal was probably right in that it was most likely an anxiety attack. I had that once a long while back and couldn’t breath properly. I felt like I wasn’t getting any air. You had an awful lot on your plate the last little while. Don’t put too much stock in what G and Dad say. They mean well but they are coming from a different place. Both of them have suffered a life threatening experience health wise and are taking life easy now, which is as it should be. Talk to your doctor, and take the summer to decide about your running. Just for the record I am very proud of you.

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